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Where did the term Retroactive Jealously come from?
We don’t know for sure. All we can tell you is that it has been adopted by the most prominent practitioners in the field.
Is it the most appropriate term?
Probably not, because jealousy is only one of several deeply unpleasant emotions associated with this condition, but so far it’s the only, and the best, term available.
RJ most closely matches the kinds of thoughts and feelings one would experience if they discovered that their partner was currently cheating on them.
This can range through anger, rage, sadness, disgust, shame and despair as well as 'just' jealousy.
RJ most closely matches the kinds of thoughts and feelings one would experience if they discovered that their partner was currently cheating on them.
This can range through anger, rage, sadness, disgust, shame and despair as well as 'just' jealousy.
So it’s all about sex?
No. Not always. For many it is, for some, it’s much more about other forms of intimacy; romance, marriage, sharing lives, memories and holidays for example.
For those who do obsess about the sexual side, it can come in many forms. Some compare their sexual performance to how they imagine their spouse’s ex’s performance was- some do not. There are those who are not worried about casual relationships and one-night stands, while others go crazy about them. A number of sufferers are more distressed by the deeper, loving or long-term relationships. Some are particularly bothered by a bisexual history (and some love the idea!).
Sometimes it’s about the nature of the intimacy (the what), the perceived unsuitability of the ex (the who) or the context and circumstances of the encounters (the where and the how).
For those who do obsess about the sexual side, it can come in many forms. Some compare their sexual performance to how they imagine their spouse’s ex’s performance was- some do not. There are those who are not worried about casual relationships and one-night stands, while others go crazy about them. A number of sufferers are more distressed by the deeper, loving or long-term relationships. Some are particularly bothered by a bisexual history (and some love the idea!).
Sometimes it’s about the nature of the intimacy (the what), the perceived unsuitability of the ex (the who) or the context and circumstances of the encounters (the where and the how).
This is all about controlling male partners and 'slut-shaming', right?
Again- sometimes. RJ can run alongside pathological or obsessive CURRENT jealousy or be experienced by violent, controlling and abusive men, but we would say, more often than not, it doesn’t.
RJ appears to apply equally to women as it does to men.
Both male and female RJ sufferers will find themselves shaming, lambasting, humiliating, and judge their partners for their past behaviours.
RJ appears to apply equally to women as it does to men.
Both male and female RJ sufferers will find themselves shaming, lambasting, humiliating, and judge their partners for their past behaviours.
So what causes RJ?
There are some compelling theories.
A well-known proponent of Retroactive Jealousy treatment is Canadian historian and musician, Zackary Stockill who advocates a holistic approach to recovery. He puts a great deal of emphasis on reducing insecurity, to which he largely attributes the condition. Zackary also recommends the exploration of certain schools of philosophy as a means to challenge the mindset under which Retroactive Jealousy thrives.
Joshua Fletcher holds similar views but places more emphasis on the role that chronic anxiety plays in the development of Retroactive Jealousy.
Alongside Retr-ACT, Fletcher offers the only specialist service, I am aware of, provided by a qualified clinician.
Jeff Billings has a simpler approach, focusing on putting the past back into the past where it belongs.
I think all of these offer something useful in a field of study that is still developing.
A well-known proponent of Retroactive Jealousy treatment is Canadian historian and musician, Zackary Stockill who advocates a holistic approach to recovery. He puts a great deal of emphasis on reducing insecurity, to which he largely attributes the condition. Zackary also recommends the exploration of certain schools of philosophy as a means to challenge the mindset under which Retroactive Jealousy thrives.
Joshua Fletcher holds similar views but places more emphasis on the role that chronic anxiety plays in the development of Retroactive Jealousy.
Alongside Retr-ACT, Fletcher offers the only specialist service, I am aware of, provided by a qualified clinician.
Jeff Billings has a simpler approach, focusing on putting the past back into the past where it belongs.
I think all of these offer something useful in a field of study that is still developing.
Isn’t RJ just a way of justifying judgemental attitudes?
Those that come forward for help with RJ, recognise that they have a problem, and that their emotional reactions are at odds with a logical understanding of their responses.
The experience of RJ can be extreme and disproportionate.
Retroactive Jealousy has a range of symptoms in common with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
The experience of RJ can be extreme and disproportionate.
Retroactive Jealousy has a range of symptoms in common with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.